Guidance and Wisdom

God, grant me the serenity…

Hi, my name is Jessie and I’m an alcoholic.  Today I went to a meeting of alcoholics anonymous that is a women’s only meeting, which is something I don’t usually like.  This particular meeting, however, has become one of my favorites.  The women at this meeting are absolutely loving, welcoming, encouraging, experienced, and wonderful.  It is one meeting during the week I look forward to because I know I am going to hear an abundance of wisdom when I’m there.  Today we had a newcomer to the group which is always my favorite type of meeting because I love hearing everyone’s stories of how they came to AA, and this was absolutely no different.

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Excuse the Absence

God, grant me the serenity…

Hi, my name is Jessie and I’m an alcoholic.  Sorry about my absence – I had to take a break for my mental, emotional, and physical health, but I’m back and good as ever.  In the last few weeks I feel like I’ve had a change of attitude towards myself, towards others, towards my alcoholism and towards my faith.  I’m very grateful to be able to notice the changes in myself as I made it to ninety days of sobriety, to three months of sobriety and beyond.

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Wishes and Regrets

God, grant me the serenity…

Hi, my name is Jessie and I’m an alcoholic.  I debated a lot with myself about whether or not I wanted to write anything tonight, and I figured just as it goes with meetings, when I don’t want to is when I need to the most.  So, here I am after a day of absence, with a lot on my mind but nothing I care to share.  The other day I wanted to talk about regrets but then I just didn’t feel like taking that much time to write.  If I talked about all of the regrets I have I would be here all day.  I’m not going to make this a long and philosophical post because I’m quite made at myself right now and I just want to go to sleep and forget the day, but I promised myself I’d write as often as I could and I’m not going to add not keeping that promise to myself to my list of regrets.

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Quiet

God, grant me the serenity…

Hi, my name is Jessie and I’m an alcoholic.  Today I really don’t have a whole lot I want to say.  I think its good to be a bit quiet sometimes.  Everything is going fine and I’m just continuing to work through the steps of moving forward with both my faith and my sobriety.  Its been a draining week, but I’m looking forward to the weekend ahead.

 

Our Father, who art in Heaven…

 

I’m very blessed to be here with all of you on this 75th day of sobriety, and I look forward to many more.

With love,

Jessie

Reflections

God, grant me the serenity…

Hi, my name is Jessie and I’m an alcoholic.  Sorry about the absence yesterday.  I arrived home sick with a migraine and I honestly didn’t want to write anything, anyway.  I was pissed off and exhausted, to be completely truthful.  When I was at work earlier in the day, I was talking casually with one of the doctors I work for about going out to lunch and to make a long story short he said, “Why can’t you go out to a bar and have lunch and not drink? It’s not like you’re an alcoholic or anything,” to which I proceeded to tell him that I was, indeed, an alcoholic.  He started at me in shock and questioned me repeatedly and I told him that I was sure, and that I went to AA meetings 5 or 6 times a week at least, and he followed up with, “Wow, I didn’t think you were that stupid.”  At the time I didn’t think anything of it because I was in a hurry to leave, but looking back on it I realized how awful and hurtful it was, and I really didn’t feel like coming here and writing anything until I had time to think about it.  Now that I have, I told the story, and that’s all I have to say about it.  Instead today I’m going to write on the reflection questions I’ve been given for my RCIA course.  I’d rather write about somethings positive like God’s unending love rather than something negative. So, here it goes…

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The Forgotten Thank You

God, grant me the serenity…

Hi, my name is Jessie and I’m an alcoholic.  Today I am so grateful for my sobriety.  I went to a meeting tonight and there were three people there who had acquired quite a bit of sobriety who had gone out within the last three days and were there feeling miserable.  It was really the confirmation I needed to see that I am absolutely making the right choice at the right time and I should never doubt that I need to be sober.  Aside from that, I realized that after posting yesterday I forgot to thank perhaps the most important person who is a huge part of both my faith and sobriety journey.  On this day last year I got a tattoo in her memory because I really wanted a constant reminder that she is still ever-present in my mind and heart and in the minds and hearts of all who knew and loved her.  I am certain that she has absolutely been by my side since that day.  Today’s post is going to be a thank you letter to the young lady who brought me to faith and sobriety.  Even though she’s no longer with us, her presence is never unnoticed.

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Thankful for Another Day

God, grant me the serenity…

Hi, my name is Jessie and I’m an alcoholic.  Today I want to talk about thankfulness, because even though I thank God each day for my sobriety I often forget to take the time to thank all of the other people in my life who make it possible through their love, support, and encouragement.  It’s not just my sobriety that I’m thankful for, but also my faith in God and His protection and guidance in my life.

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Questioning Decisions

God, grant me the serenity…

Hi, my name is Jessie and I’m an alcoholic.  Things haven’t really changed much in the last 24 hours.  Tonight I helped out with the youth group at church, and after I was invited to go to the bar for a few drinks.  It was extremely difficult for me to say that I couldn’t go, but I had no other option.  I really wanted nothing more than to just pretend that I’m not an alcoholic and go out and have a few drinks with people my age, but as I’ve said before, it isn’t an option for me.

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Self-Seeking Will Slip Away

God, grant me the serenity…

Hi, my name is Jessie and I’m an alcoholic.  Do you ever experience those days when even though nothing goes wrong, nothing felt right?  That’s where I’m at today.  I’m still really struggling with the urge to drink.  It’s not like I’m out at a liquor store buying all of the alcohol I can find.  In fact, I found three hard ciders (which was my drink of choice,) in the back of the fridge today and I poured them out.  I’m struggling with knowing that I’ll never be able to drink again.   Continue reading

Memories of the Past

God, grant me the serenity…

Hi, my name is Jessie and I’m an alcoholic.  You know, I’m currently sitting here thinking about how much I miss my old Friday night routines.  I miss going out, drinking, singing karaoke, socializing, and not really caring about what others thought of me or what I thought of myself.  Its ridiculous and I know it’s not good for me, but I miss it.  I miss the buzz of the alcohol and act of drinking something just for the feeling rather than the hydration.  I miss my old Friday nights.

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