Quiet

God, grant me the serenity…

Hi, my name is Jessie and I’m an alcoholic.  Today I really don’t have a whole lot I want to say.  I think its good to be a bit quiet sometimes.  Everything is going fine and I’m just continuing to work through the steps of moving forward with both my faith and my sobriety.  Its been a draining week, but I’m looking forward to the weekend ahead.

 

Our Father, who art in Heaven…

 

I’m very blessed to be here with all of you on this 75th day of sobriety, and I look forward to many more.

With love,

Jessie

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Reflections

God, grant me the serenity…

Hi, my name is Jessie and I’m an alcoholic.  Sorry about the absence yesterday.  I arrived home sick with a migraine and I honestly didn’t want to write anything, anyway.  I was pissed off and exhausted, to be completely truthful.  When I was at work earlier in the day, I was talking casually with one of the doctors I work for about going out to lunch and to make a long story short he said, “Why can’t you go out to a bar and have lunch and not drink? It’s not like you’re an alcoholic or anything,” to which I proceeded to tell him that I was, indeed, an alcoholic.  He started at me in shock and questioned me repeatedly and I told him that I was sure, and that I went to AA meetings 5 or 6 times a week at least, and he followed up with, “Wow, I didn’t think you were that stupid.”  At the time I didn’t think anything of it because I was in a hurry to leave, but looking back on it I realized how awful and hurtful it was, and I really didn’t feel like coming here and writing anything until I had time to think about it.  Now that I have, I told the story, and that’s all I have to say about it.  Instead today I’m going to write on the reflection questions I’ve been given for my RCIA course.  I’d rather write about somethings positive like God’s unending love rather than something negative. So, here it goes…

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The Forgotten Thank You

God, grant me the serenity…

Hi, my name is Jessie and I’m an alcoholic.  Today I am so grateful for my sobriety.  I went to a meeting tonight and there were three people there who had acquired quite a bit of sobriety who had gone out within the last three days and were there feeling miserable.  It was really the confirmation I needed to see that I am absolutely making the right choice at the right time and I should never doubt that I need to be sober.  Aside from that, I realized that after posting yesterday I forgot to thank perhaps the most important person who is a huge part of both my faith and sobriety journey.  On this day last year I got a tattoo in her memory because I really wanted a constant reminder that she is still ever-present in my mind and heart and in the minds and hearts of all who knew and loved her.  I am certain that she has absolutely been by my side since that day.  Today’s post is going to be a thank you letter to the young lady who brought me to faith and sobriety.  Even though she’s no longer with us, her presence is never unnoticed.

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Thankful for Another Day

God, grant me the serenity…

Hi, my name is Jessie and I’m an alcoholic.  Today I want to talk about thankfulness, because even though I thank God each day for my sobriety I often forget to take the time to thank all of the other people in my life who make it possible through their love, support, and encouragement.  It’s not just my sobriety that I’m thankful for, but also my faith in God and His protection and guidance in my life.

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Questioning Decisions

God, grant me the serenity…

Hi, my name is Jessie and I’m an alcoholic.  Things haven’t really changed much in the last 24 hours.  Tonight I helped out with the youth group at church, and after I was invited to go to the bar for a few drinks.  It was extremely difficult for me to say that I couldn’t go, but I had no other option.  I really wanted nothing more than to just pretend that I’m not an alcoholic and go out and have a few drinks with people my age, but as I’ve said before, it isn’t an option for me.

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Self-Seeking Will Slip Away

God, grant me the serenity…

Hi, my name is Jessie and I’m an alcoholic.  Do you ever experience those days when even though nothing goes wrong, nothing felt right?  That’s where I’m at today.  I’m still really struggling with the urge to drink.  It’s not like I’m out at a liquor store buying all of the alcohol I can find.  In fact, I found three hard ciders (which was my drink of choice,) in the back of the fridge today and I poured them out.  I’m struggling with knowing that I’ll never be able to drink again.   Continue reading

Memories of the Past

God, grant me the serenity…

Hi, my name is Jessie and I’m an alcoholic.  You know, I’m currently sitting here thinking about how much I miss my old Friday night routines.  I miss going out, drinking, singing karaoke, socializing, and not really caring about what others thought of me or what I thought of myself.  Its ridiculous and I know it’s not good for me, but I miss it.  I miss the buzz of the alcohol and act of drinking something just for the feeling rather than the hydration.  I miss my old Friday nights.

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God’s Grace and Mercy

God, grant me the serenity…

Hi, my name is Jessie and I’m an alcoholic.  Today I started that process I was talking about yesterday – RCIA.  I am so thrilled to be on this incredible journey of faith and discovering who Jesus is to me and how He fits into my life.  Today was our first RCIA meeting and we were asked to reflect on a few questions.  I’m going to answer one of them in this post: When have you experienced God’s grace and mercy?

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So Long to the Pink Cloud

God, grant me the serenity…

Hi, my name is Jessie and I’m an alcoholic.  I’ve been fortunate that for the last few weeks I haven’t really had the urge to drink…until tonight.  I honestly don’t know what it was, but there was a part of me that just wanted to say, “screw it,” and stop at the bar and get a drink.  It was a craving that went as quickly as it came, but it was scary nonetheless, how quickly I was willing to throw over two months of work away.  Thankfully, I had a wonderful night at Alpha and I kept that in my conscience, remembering the gifts that God has given me, and I knew for certain that having a drink would not be worth the consequences I would suffer.

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Another Blessed Day

God, grant me the serenity…

Hi, my name is Jessie and I’m an alcoholic.  As has been the case lately, its been a terribly busy day.  I’m glad I’m able to be so clear-headed, focused, and able to fill my days with such positive things, though.  The person I was this time last year would have been spending my days at work, my afternoons getting drunk, and my evenings wishing the room would stop spinning just long enough for me to fall asleep.  Thank God for the blessings He has given me so that I was able to turn my life around.  I don’t have much to say tonight, just wanted to check in and say how blessed I am, as always, to have my sobriety and the love of God in my life.

 

Our father, who art in Heaven…

 

I’m very grateful to be here with all of you on this 65th day of sobriety, and I look forward to many more.

 

With love,

Jessie