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Hello, old friends.
It’s been awhile. A little over three years, to be specific. I’m sorry I’ve been gone for so long. I’m not sorry to only you, but also, and mostly, to myself. A lot has been going on in the last three years and for some reason I’ve found it difficult to be here. Here, writing…
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Stumbling through
I haven’t been on here in a while because I haven’t had much to say. I’ve just been stumbling through life day to day, trying, and failing at being a better person. One day, I think I want to be sober, and the next day, I can’t imagine my life without alcohol. One day I…
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This past month…
Life this past month has been strange to say the least. I was sick for a bit, so that took a lot out of me. I’ve cut down on my drinking substantially, whether it was because I was sick or because I was doing it willingly, but I cut down nonetheless. I’ve been in an unbreakable…
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Happy New Year!
2023 was quite a year. It was filled with some good times and some bad. Unfortunately, a lot more lows then there were highs. It was the year that I finally tried to learn a little bit about myself and work on fixing what I didn’t like. I started seeing a therapist once a week…
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The Great Depression
Being a self-aware, severely depressed alcoholic is a trip. I’m hyper-aware of everything I’m feeling and doing, I know the difference between right and wrong, and yet I continue to do the same thing over and over. Some would call that insanity; doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. And most…
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Moving Ahead
I am a failure. I can’t even make it two weeks without having a drink. Eleven days, thats how long I made it. Eleven days. Eleven days without a drink, eleven days of misery, eleven days of hard work, eleven days of pride, just to have to start all over again. I’m not cut out…
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“No Drink November,” and some other stuff too…
It’s been a couple of weeks, but I’m back! Two weeks of come and gone. Two weeks of drinking, therapy, depression, anxiety, and everything in between. Today, however, is a new day. Today is the second day of “No Drink November.” That’s what I’m calling it anyway. I figured it was a good way to…
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Trying Unsuccessfully
Do I want to be sober? That’s the question my therapist told me I need to start asking myself. It’s a big question indeed. I’m not 1000% sure that I know the answer myself. I know that I don’t want to be miserable anymore. If that means I have to be sober, then so be…
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Working on me
Well, I haven’t actually sat down and physically written in awhile. To be honest, when I write on here, I usually use that stupid talk-to-text, because its a hell of a lot easier. However, I’m sick and I don’t have a voice, so I’m going back and doing things the old fashioned way and actually…
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Talking about feelings
I find that the best time to write is after I have just been a therapy, so here I am. My mind has been racing. Racing day after day, thinking about all the things I have done, and all of the things I need to do. I need to get my ass sober. Let’s start…
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Opening up
So, my therapist told me to start journaling, more, so here I am. It’s funny, because I haven’t told her about this blog yet. I guess that should probably be the next step I take with her. This blog is where I feel like I can be open and honest, probably even more honest than…